Friday, August 6, 2010

alternative medicine



















Is your microwave destroying your health?

Old ad from-blog.modernmechanix.com/
Is your microwave destroying your health?
In todays hustle and bustle world the keyword that seems to be the rule of thumb among most people today is the word...convenience.The(I want it now) mentality is a common theme today.Many are willing to pay more money for less value all in the name of convenience whether its rent to own merchandise,video rentals,using credit cards,eating at fast food places and restaurants and numerous other things.Its all in the name of convenience.In many ways this convenience can be considered a good thing.Its instant gratification.It saves us trouble and time in having to do things the slower and old fashioned way.Some of these things may cost a high price down the road though.Like eating poorly,smoking,taking too many drugs,ingesting food additives,eating gmo food products and many others may do their damage to the body over a length of time.One of these things is in the use and convenience of microwave ovens.


When I first heard about this I refused to believe it even though the studies and evidence prove that the health hazards are there.To this day I still use a microwave occassionally.I guess the power of convenience is still the prevailing factor with me even in spite of this information Ive learned.I like saving time with less mess.I like the convenience.I dont expect anyone reading this to throw their microwaves in a dumpster.I havent at least not yet.However,I do have a better understanding now about the difference between regular cooking and microwave cooking.And there is a big difference.I find it interesting that it was the nazis who had invented microwave ovens.This was a long time ago.In Berlin research into how microwaved food affected the body was studied by the soviets.Their findings were horrendous.The kremlin banned the use of microwave cooking in 1976 when it was discovered that numerous physical ailments accompanied the consumption of microwaved food.Further studies were then undertaken.


Later after these russian studies there were two authors named Lawrence Newell and Anthony Wayne whom published a book entitled-The hidden hazards of microwave cooking.Their book was based on those studies.The studies had found that the microwaved foods nutritional values and vital energy fields were reduced by 90%!This had major effects on the subjects.It was found that the very molecular structures of the foods themselves had become greatly altered and with nearly no nutritional values at all.Even essential trace minerals were now useless.Vitamins A,C and B-complex in the foods were virtually all destroyed even when microwaved for a few mere seconds.It was found that lymphatic disorders in people increased.Certain cancers form at a quicker and higher rate when lymphatic disorders exist and this problem is very widespread.And so were the other disorders.They found of the subjects regularly eating this food a definite increase in cancers of the stomach and intestine,cell tumors,increased blood pressure,stomach pain,migraines,dizziness and stress.Other ailments were more common as well.These included memory loss,heart disease,appendicitis,adrenal exhaustion,hair loss,attention disorders,cataracts,poor sleep and depression.The researchers in Russia had stated that the food was made into a poisin when it was microwaved and that consuming microwaved food altered their blood chemistry as well.
Researchers in Sweden found that consuming microwaved vegetables (even organic) was a very sure way of sending ones cholesterol levels soaring.Any kind of food for that matter.They found that blood cholesterol is more influenced by the molecular structure of the food itself.How much cholesterol is in the food was secondary.Their findings state that long term,permanent damage and even fatality can eventually occur through consumption of microwaved food,states a noted researcher.Everything in the food is reduced and extemely altered.The vitamins and minerals and nutrients become destroyed and whatever does remain does little good to the human body.Whats worse is that the body now has to digest this.The body absorbs these compounds and since they cannot be readily broken down in the system they will wreak havoc on the bodys physiology.


Note about this energy-It is all around us and also comes from televisions,cell phones,computers,satellite transmissions,wireless devices,etc.


Can you see a possible connection?Take a look at cancer,lupus,arthritis,heart disease,MS,diabetes and all of the other degenerative diseases on the rise.Its all quite scary indeed.The idea that microwave cooking could actually be a real health endangering convenience is not easily accepted by alot of people,myself included.But the research is there.There is nothing surprizing about the fact that the public has not been informed about any of this and denied details on these health dangers.Most folks know its ussually in the name of profit.Here is an experiment.Plant seeds into two pots.Water one of the pots with regular filtered water.Now water the second pot with water that had previously been nuked in the microwave.What happens next?Youll notice that the seeds watered with regular water will sprout as expected but the seeds fed the microwaved water will never sprout.
The below website links have alot of additional information that I havent included here.Much of it surprized me.Agree or disagree it certainly does make one wonder.Personally I have always used a microwave.I can remember back in the 80s when my folks bought one of those new big microwaves when they first came out and I remember saying to myself-Thats really cool but there just seems to be something odd about cooking this way.Something not right about it.Of course after that it still became a daily used utility in the kitchen to cook food and warm drinks with.As it did/does with just about all people.Even most restaurants use microwaves in their food preperation and this even includes food places serving organic food.Most folks just dont know.I imagine many still wouldnt care even if they did know these facts.And if these facts are all true?Then indeed there could be a high price paid for this convenience.

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Oil of Oregano-A true herbal powerhouse
Wild Oregano-its not the kind on your pizza



Herbal remedies have indeed increased their share in the marketplace in recent years.In these times of genetically engineered food and destructively wide spread drug use it is not at all surprising that the health of our culture appears to keep going down.Herbal remedies are here because the people seem to have demanded them.They have been used successfuly by many for thousands of years.Todays herbal remedies extraction methods are much more technologically advanced.The end result is a better and more potent product.Unfortunately sickness and obesity are huge money makers in the world today.Its sad to say but the last thing some would want are thin and healthy people.We all have heard a story or two havent we?Whenever a non drug method of combatting an illness comes into view,it is often downplayed and perhaps even attacked if it works and sometimes even if it saves lives.But many people are finally waking up.Many are discovering what thousands in other countries as well as Native Americans had already known all along.That many of these herbal remedies really do work.
There is one particular herb that comes to mind that hasnt gotten much publicity but is the super powerhouse of herbs.This herbal remedy is called oil of oregano.Ingestion of this herb in either bulk (the plant itself) or oil form has been proven over and over in several major studies to do some pretty miraculous things.In fact,the results often surpass many of the big name drugs.Namely the antibiotics.The oregano used in these studies were not oregano products youd find at the grocery store or on your pizza which is ussually mexican oregano or marjoram.Both of which lack in nutritive and medicinal comparison and value.The oregano used in the studies and now sold in healthstores is called wild oregano-Origanum Vulgare,the best of which is obtained from the various regions of the Mediterranean where the herb possesses higher levels of chemicals called thymol and carvacrol which make up an average of 90%of the plants oils.Carvacrol has powerful anti-microbial activity and is a natural phenol.Extraction techniques being used can also be a factor in the overall potency of the product.Oil of oregano has an extremely pungent smell and just a few drops ingested can pack a mighty punch.Because it is a superb antifungal and anthelmintic-(de-worming activities) it has been used in Chinese medicine as well as throughout the world for centuries.Its uses have been wide ranging from loosening of mucous,to treating fevers,vomiting,diarrhea and as a digestive aid to rid the body of intestinal parasites and fungus.Nearly all people have a fungal condition to one degree or another.Oil of oregano can play a major role in the elimination of these fungal invaders.



Many countries are now recognizing the factors between fungus and health.This information was known back in the 1940s and written about in various doctors books but somehow became forgotten about.If you have ever taken antibiotics without probiotics you may have a fungal condition in one form or another.Even the eating of corn,peanut butter,mushrooms and other various foods may over time produce a fungal condition.Exposure to certain molds may bring about such a condition as well.I was surprized when I heard about all of this on Doug Kaufmanns tv show-know the cause.Personally I like peanut butter and these other foods so I take a daily fungal agent as part of my diet to keep things in check.Oil of oregano is a great fungal agent as well as apple cider vinegar,garlic,tea tree,caprylic acid and several various others.It isnt the food itself as much as it is how the food is stored before its processed that fungus may form on it.It used to not be this way.For the ultimate education about this subject and how fungus may lay the foundation for countless numbers of various illnesses visit www.knowthecause.com


In this fungal arena oil of oregano shines very brightly.Being such a powerful natural agent the various bacteria,fungus,viruses and parasites appear to have little or no adaptation to it as they tend to do in traditional antibiotic use.Influenza microbes are killed by it.Oil of oregano is anti fungal,anti parasitic,anti viral,anti bacterial,anti inflammatory,anti oxidant,anti allergenic and helpful in digestion.It can also effectively treat headaches,gum disease,bronchitus,insect bites,arthritus,asthma,constipation,dandruff,ringworm,warts,sinusitus,earaches,flu and cold among many other conditions.Unless one is allergic to this plant species no real side effects have been reported through its use.It does sometimes tend to lower iron in some rare cases and thats about it.University studies nationally and worldwide have shown that oil of oregano kills e-coli,staphylococcus (staph) and destroys all kinds of influenzas and tends to do so quite thoroughly.Many claim these new flu bugs have little if any resistance to it.Another benefit of oil of oregano is in its nutritional power as it is loaded with vitamins and minerals as well.There is alot of anti oxidant power in this herb.


Taking a probiotic may be a good idea when taking the oregano or its oil for prolonged periods of time.Oregano is strong stuff.Like antibiotics but without the side effects,it destroys the bad bugs but may destroy or offset the good bugs as well over time.These good bugs are your good intestinal bacteria.Antibiotics,drugs,growth hormones,genetically enhanced produce,stress,microwaved food,msg,high fructose corn syrup and any of the 1,500 chemicals that are in much of todays prepackaged foods that legally do not even have to be listed on the package label.Its no wonder so many are in the shape theyre in.Most of these can adversely effect the digestive system and a good probiotic can help with this whether one is taking oregano oil or not.The oregano oil itself is ussually mixed in with a base of virgin olive oil during the processing of it because the oil in itself is way to caustic and hot for consumption.Mixed in with the olive oil it becomes more palatable.Capsules of the ground up herb can be purchased in ingested instead of the oil.The benefit of taking wild oregano in its raw plant form is that it reaches the digestive system better than the oil.Both have their own special benefits.Since the days of Hippocrates it has been known to many people that the oregano that grows wild throughout the Mediterranean is one of the most potent and therapeutic agents to be in found in all of the herbal remedies of both yesterday and today.
pic by www.openrussia.ru
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A basic JU99 chi generator

from hscti.com


Energy healing technology of tomorrow is here today
The Basics of Energy Healing and Manifestation
Energy healing -yesterday and today
The very idea and practise of energy healings has existed throughout time and oftentimes masked under the guise of various religions and belief systems.This varied culture to culture.Obviously there is a basic principle in all energy healing arts which goes way past and beyond any religious doctrines.Or even todays modern therapy doctrines for that matter.By identifying the common functioning principle behind all the doctrines,therapies and healings one will discover very scientific methods that are unheard of by most people yet do in fact exist today.There are an abundance of various types of energy healers.In the olden days often people used religion to cover up their practices and the masses would remain in ignorance as to how these healings were actually done.Only the chosen few would know these secrets.Lest they would possibly lose their control and power should these masses ever discover that this energy was freely available to everyone.
As for the modern approach of energy healing today?No longer does one need to ascribe to any particular belief system unless one wishes to,and no one really needs to hire a practitioner if they learn the concepts themselves.Virtually anyone can become an energy healer.It doesnt require alot of courses and meditations and rituals to generate this energy.Today one just needs to flip a switch.Literally!And the technology will work whether you believe it will or not.Here is a new way of looking at it.Please feel free to read books,study protocols,chant,meditate,listen to music,guided imagery,visualize,use candles,beat drums,relax,pray,sing,dance,hold crystals,crosses,medallions,etc..to generate this energy.It is perfectly alright to do any of these things if one wishes to do so.Or one may just flip on a switch.
Karl Welz invents the first generator of lifeforce energy
In 1991 a great man by the name of Karl Welz,a native of Austria,had invented the first device that could actually generate lifeforce energy.In earlier years researcher Wilhelm Reich had named this energy orgone.Karl Welz is also the man who had invented an orgon accumulating material in 1992 which is today called orgonite.He owns all registered patents to both.It is these technologies that have helped open the door wide open to the future of energy healing.Today in 2010 this technological knowledge has reached a very high level.There is other various knowledge that re-opens the door to many other subjects and topics such as the paranormal,energizing food and water,various magicks,sports enhancement as well as other mind sciences connected to this science such as radionics,psionics,nlp-(neuro linguistic programming,the secret,eft-(emotional freedom technique)..etc.Then there is the physics and geometrical mathematics behind all of it.My intentions here is to keep it simple.It would require volumes to explain the whole concepts behind this study of healing with lifeforce generating technology.Today chi generators come in an array of styles and sizes and strengths.Many offerred online such as on ebay are not really generators yet are advertised as such.Let the buyer beware.Most of these are orgone accumulators.If it says welz in its description then its a sure bet that its a real generator.The most basic model is the JU99 series.It appears as a small black horizontal shaped box about the size of ones hand.It is composed of various organic and inorganic alloys.It has a small tube of silver that protudes out from it as well as a red or green light on the top of it that always blinks to the rhythem of what is called Shumanns resonance when plugged in.It generates this energy perpetually.The device pulls in the energy from its surroundings then re-generates this energy back out again.All the while this energy keeps building as it continually circulates.As more energy is being generated more energy may be used by the healer or practitioner towards their goals or healings.This will be explained moreso later on.
Energy accumulators and DOR
Throughout history people did many things in trying to generate this universal energy for themselves.Ritual,prayer,singing,dancing,walking in circles,crystals,gemstones,metals,mantras,visualization,hypnosis,music and the arts,belief systems,sacrifices and the list goes on and on.In the mid 20th century came what would be called-an orgone accumulator.These were boxes or containers constructed from alternate layers of organic and inorganic matter.It was believed that when constructed this way that orgone energy would accumulate within them and indeed this worked and even measured on various electronic meters and gauges in the initial studies.The trouble was this.The energy could be accumulated but it was never recirculated and regenerated.If it sits too long it becomes DOR.D-O-R is a term for deadly orgon.For example,-In an old house where something bad had taken place there could be alot of stagnent d-o-r.This is common in haunted places where lower level energies may linger and the longer the area goes untouched the stronger this DOR becomes.Thus,a house with a bad feeling attached to it.Sometimes people would have to hire someone to clear it all out.Today they can simply set it up to clear it out and flip a switch.When Karl Welz invented the first chi generator it was evident that energy healing had just taken a jump into the future.
Note-By connecting one structural link(i.e.-an orgonite stone) to the generator and carrying the other piece on your person,you have a continuous flow of energy at your disposal as well as emf protection regardless of where youre at.
Regardless of the given label-Its still all of the same energy
The technology is no longer available to just the privileged as in the past.It is available to all people.Even a young child with little knowledge of the subject can now do energy healings.New technology of this energy makes this possible.In other cultures this energy is known as chi,prana,life force,the light,Godforce,psychic energy,etc..and many other words describing this same energy.The energy in itself is neutral.Our own minds and intentions are what determines and shapes what is to be done with it.There could be a large church group praying for someone. Or there could be a rock band performing to a big lively crowd.It could be a woman casting a spell to heal a friend or someone meditating with a crystal.They can be believers or they can be disbelievers.It doesnt matter.It is still all the same energy and follows the same universal rules and laws that it always has.We engage this energy everyday.Every thought we produce is a form of this same energy and we often hear that thoughts become things.Today this energy can be scientifically registered on electronic equipment.We physically manifest various things conciously and unconciously every day.Most dont even notice it.When the manifestation appears too bizarre or coincidental we tend to label it as a miracle.It often becomes placed in the areas of spiritual or supernatural.There is nothing wrong with this and energy healing has often been placed in the religious or other worldly categories for many years.However,we are dealing with it here based upon a science.
Electricity or radio waves are both invisible forms of energy yet both have always remained in the category of hard science.Things being only partially known tend to get placed in the categories of mysticism and/or religion.Have you ever noticed this?Once it becomes known as common knowledge it then tends to become placed into the areas of science.Energy healing branches into so many areas.There are many different and diverse practices which utilize various kinds of tools in order to use this energy for healing of oneself or for others.All of these tools are secondary though.The mind of the practitioner could be said to be the chief element and anything else is an added tool in order to help the mind to focus and acheive what it has set out to do.Here are some basics.A science is only as workable as it is able to be easily understood and implimented.There are four key factors.Regardless of what kind of energy healing is being done or the tools being used there are four criteria that must be met in order for it to have any workability.These four factors apply to all other areas as well.These four things are 1.A target. 2.A trend. 3.Enough energy and 4.The structural link-and lack of any of these will tend to hinder manifestation and healing.
The four basics behind energy healing
The target link is the person or place or event that you are targeting.In the area of healing another person the taget can be them if they are close by or in the case of distant healing it can be their hair,nails,photo,jewelry,a treasured object,etc..anything that serves as the Structural Link between the healer and the recipient.The better the target the better the healing.This is why many espouse that its more preferable to have their hair rather than a photo.The hair contains the genetic code of the individuals body.A signiture may work very good as well.

The trend link-This represents the creative influence and action that the practitioner wishes to manefest in or around his target.I.E.-I wish to send this healing energy(trend)to my beloved associate(target).Basically,the trend is the action of the target or the action towards the target.
The structural link-is anything that serves as a facsimile(a similar duplicate) of the original target or trend.There are countless structural links.Our own imaginations are a well spring of them.The cross necklace for example is a popular structural link in that even though it is not The original Cross,it is a representation of the original cross.Over many centuries many have focused their attentions into it.Thus today the cross is a strong structural link because so many people throughout time have given it their energies and hold strong to what it represents to them.Our thoughts make it so.What we use as targets and trends are both structural links in their own right.The structural link also fills in the gaps of space.Example-I wish to heal my friend whos a hundred miles away.I have his picture or his hair(target).This is placed upon the generator.My friend is now receiving a continual supply of this energy as long as the unit is on and the target link is there with it.Now I do the trend link.The trend link is what I am wanting to manifest for him.In this case it would be his healing and getting better.The trend link can be anything that represents healing to me.The best trend link is a self made one.One would scribble or draw a line onto a piece of paper while strongly envisioning the trend one is wanting to manifest.In this case,I would envision my friend saturated with energy and free of his affliction and in better health while scribbling this line on the paper.Its best to really see it and feel it.When complete I set this on the generator too.Here are all four components of this healing operation.The target of my friend,the trend for my friend,the structural links that connect it all and a steady and ample flow of continuous energy to build it up and to send it all on its way.
note-When the energy has really been built up it will become truly perpetual in its physical manifestation process.It will continue long after the operation.In other words,even if you turn all the equipment off the energy that has already been gathered and formed will continue to build upon itself toward its intended target and goal.Of course leaving the equipment on will make this process that much faster.
The lifeforce energy-Although this energy permeates into all aspects of existence the trouble with many energy healing therapies of the past and today comes right down to a lack of energy.They have a target and a trend.They have good structural links but they dont have enough energy to send it on its way.This refers to healings and all magicks.No matter how well we can concentrate or meditate or focus our thoughts,our minds can only do this for so long unless we live as a monk in a mountain somewhere away from civilization.Plus our minds can only generate so much energy at any given time.Perhaps this is why some say its better to have many people praying for you at once rather than just one person.Lifeforce energy is the essential ingredient in all energy healing.The chi generator provides the medium by which structural links are able to transfer from one point to another while building up unheard of sums of energies in massive amounts quickly and continually.Learning these basics hopefully helps one to better understand how this works.
The basics of lifeforce energy
We know of similar and equivalent structures.
Life energy interacts with magnetism.
Distance is a result of structural differences.
When you shift fields of life energy relative to each other you generate life energy.
Life energy follows negative entropy-(which is discussed below).
Negative entropy-Franz Mesmar,Karl Von Reichenbach and Wilhelm Reich were all researchers of lifeforce energy from a scientific standpoint.They found the energy to be of negative entropy.In physics if we place ice cold water and very hot water both into the same bucket,the water will turn warm and this is entropy in our physical universe.However,it was found that lifeforce energy operates the opposite.In that if you bring an object of very high energy(hotness) potential into an object of low(coldness) energy potential the higher potential will draw from the lower one.In other words,if the hot water is hotter than the cold water is cold,when mixed together the cold would become as hot as the hot water.This is why many physicists seem to be against the studies of this energy.It follows a completely different physics law.One that doesnt appear relevent to our solid physical world.In the 1940s Reich did an experiment where he set wooden barrels outside that were filled with iron shavings and bars.The people would hold onto these bars with their hands in order to pull this energy into themselves.The same can be done with pine trees and many other things too.Its believed that organic matter draws the energy in and inorganic matter both draws it in and projects it out.
The healers and magicians of the past never really knew or understood the concept of negative entropy and this is amazing because it is this entropy that caused their practises to actually work.With this negative entropy principle and structural transfers we are able to direct this energy with our minds as well.Creating structural links while visualizing our targets and trends is easy and with this new technology the energy becomes perpetual and increases to a point of complete saturation. It can be likened to a books creation.We all have thoughts that flow through the mind all day but some people put their thoughts down on paper such as a book author does.They are transferring that original thought onto paper.That paper is a structural link and the thought that has been transferred to it will endure for as long as that paper exists.This gives the practitioner much more energy to work with.When we place our ideas or trends on paper those ideas continue to exist whether we focus on them or not.When theyre placed on the generator the target and trend is getting a constant non stop flow of energy whether we bother to think about it or not.Many have said that thoughts are things.If our mind thinks a thought often enough with emotionally strong energy behind it, it could very well manifest itself in our physical world all by itself and without the use of any chi gen or other technology.Its ones own mind that generates it initially.The chi generators technology then helps to perpetuate it as well as give it more strength(energy).
The freedom of its use
What is so great about this new technology is in the wide range of freedom you have access to.That access is to your own mind.The applications of these sciences are practically limitless and the generated energies adhere to what it is you specifically are asking or wanting.Ones imagination can run wild.Of course bigger manifestations may require a longer wait time to manifest.Some of these basics you have already read here.There is much more information available that goes into the finest details of this subject.Any of the links below are loaded with educational information.Much of this info cannot be readily found anywhere else.The beauty of this science is in its power and ease.One can utilize this science with their own energy healing protocols in order to strengthen them even more.Or one can just use the equipment all by itself.Any way that its used is sure to be an energy filled experience.


The American Groove



Just a rock guitar jam we threw together years ago in a little studio in Ohio called GroundUp Records.I play both guitars,my producer played bass and Rob played drums.Its recorded back in my kinda less talented days but it was still alot of fun:-)I went by the stagename of chrisstar7.My favorite artists/guitarists are Mark Farner formerly of Grand Funk Railroad.After 21 Grand Funk concerts under my belt I must say that Mark is rocking awesome even today.And Mr.Joe Satriani.I think Joe Satriani is mind blowing awesome stuff:-)My generic video is a collection of pics of myself,my soulmate,some great florida sunsets,mr.turtle whom once belonged to our friend the late anna nicole smith,disney world,and other various pics set to this song.The American Groove appeared with 12 other various artists in 2005 on a cd entitled-Studio Rocks Original Artists volume 1. The American Groove/chrisstar7 copyright 2005.

The American Groove

Just a rock guitar jam we threw together years ago in a little studio in Ohio called GroundUp Records.I play both guitars,my producer played bass and Rob played drums.Its recorded back in my kinda less talented days but it was still alot of fun:-)I went by the stagename of chrisstar7.My favorite artists/guitarists are Mark Farner formerly of Grand Funk Railroad.After 21 Grand Funk concerts under my belt I must say that Mark is rocking awesome even today.And Mr.Joe Satriani.I think Joe Satriani is mind blowing awesome stuff:-)My generic video is a collection of pics of myself,my soulmate,some great florida sunsets,mr.turtle whom once belonged to our friend the late anna nicole smith,disney world,and other various pics set to this song.The American Groove appeared with 12 other various artists in 2005 on a cd entitled-Studio Rocks Original Artists volume 1. The American Groove/chrisstar7 copyright 2005.

Curly of the three stooges replaces captain kirk on star trek



Spaceys da final frontiers
Spaceys,da final frontiers.Deze are da voyagerisms of da star shippy enterprise.Dare missionary to explores strange and silly new worlds.To seeky out new lifes and civily zations.To boldly goes where Curly hasnt gone before,nyuk,nyuk,nyuk.
Star datey six four three,which alsos da samich special at dat space diner weze stopped at last night.And dey was scrumptious,nyuk.I have assumed da role of da captain and dis is my first voyagism wit dis crew.Dares no tellins what lies ahead for us on dis expeditionism.

Capt.Curly-Hey Uhuras,I hopes you understands dat Im da captain now since Kirkie took off wit dat andorian creampuff.And keeps me alerted to any new communications from da planet belowz us.

Uhura-Understood captain.Captain,Im now getting messages from the planet down below.It sounds like a females voice sir.

Capt.Curly-Tank you Uhurias.Spocky,dis looks like chickeein readings on deze sensors.What...does...it..all..mean? Nyuk!Hey I tinks Im gettin da hang of dis star trek commandin stuff.

Spock-Captain I have theorized that this is an orion lifeform.They are in the midwest regions of the orion belt in our galaxy.An old description that our former captain used was orion green chickees...So these green chickees..if you will..are indeed unpredictable lifeforms,and may be identified captain,by their computer like intellects,as well as proclivities for earth like men,especially captains,..sir.

Capt Curly-Green chickeeuns huh?Tank you Spocky.Dats very helpful.So does deze lifeformies love ta hug and kiss alot like Kirkie says in his logs?And it shows in da original episodes too?Theys sure is orionistic.Nyuk,nyuk.

Spock-Affirmative captain.However,I believe these lifeforms utilize expenditures of energies which allows them to go with the flow at various velocities.They can be both quite elusive and quite dangerous to certain humanoid lifeforms as well..

Capt.Curly-Dats helpful,tank you Spocky.I tells ya what,Id lettins her greeny smooch me anytime,woowoo..Hey strike dat last comment from da log record Uhuria.
uhura-Yes captain,its stricken from the record.

Capt.Curly-Tank you cupcake.Whud else we got on dis lifeformy?

Spock-Captain,I have logically deducted from the triangular geometric progression,in alignment with our equa-laterealistic atmospheric conditions in progression with the change in climatic seasonal inferences,this orion chickeez seasons on her world are similar in nature to your earth.No variance in drops of climatic atmospheres captain.Its all quite logical.
Dr.McCoy-Good God Spock,how do you expect the captain to understand all that scientific mumbo jumbo?Why not just simply say that this is an interesting female lifeform?Tell us Spock.

Mr.Spock-Please Dr.McCoy,enough of your flagrant illogical emotionalisms.Dont you agree captain?

Capt.Curly-Soytantly Spocky.Why yes,I most soytantly do.Please Bones,try to be more logically expectorant in your alienistic green chickeein assumptions.Rrr!

Dr.McCoy-Blast it captain,Im just a doctor,Im not an orion green chickee specialist.

Capt.Curly-Takes us outta here Scotty an sets a course for doze orion clusters dat that voice is comin from..Lets see what lies beyond doze realms.Warp factor three.Hey Spocky,lets send dis lifeform a message to show dat we comes in peaceez.

Spock-Anything in particular captain?

Capt.Curly-How bouts sendin some romantic Shakespearian poetry Spocky?

Spock-Very well captain.As you wish.Now sending communications.Good day to thee green chickeeun lifeform.Thou orionistical essenses an thees paradoxical chickeeunisms of thine profilictical exhuberifticisms hast procluviated logicisms of thine greenistic cyberiftical meta-logistically quinistical profundities.Thine speechlessness of thou fairest lady has been hastened to thee twisterings of thine heart?Thine computerisms hast thou formulated to thee that thine perceptibilities hast created vast formulations of speechlessness of thy rendering and twistering of thou fairest orionically green lifeform.Thus thou biological exuberisms of thines cardiovascular systems and speechlessness of thou stated lifeforms communications.Thine foundations are thou bountifully logical in thines rationalizations.Hath thou Doctor McCoy yet proclaimed to thee,they fair maidens diagnoses?

Dr.McCoy-Blast the thees and thous Mr.Spock.Im just a doctor,I not a scientific Shakespearian specialist. Captain would you please tell that pointed eared hobgoblin to shut up?

Capt.Curly-No I most soytantly will not.Humor me Bones and quit beins such a stooge
Dr.McCoy-Excuse me captain,but in my opinion as chief medical officer,this is not the time nor place for any kind of parody.

Capt.Curly-Ah dont sweats it Bones,its all one big space pardy in my books.Nyuk.My only rule is no alcoholic drinkeez to da helm crew on da bridge.I heards all about commander Scott gettin nailed wit dat old bottle of scotch while flyins da shuttlin craft.Da Federation dont pay us enough to be gettin one of doze tickets.Have yourself a drinkeepoo Bones and relax a little would ya?But I do tink itd do ya some good to learn summa dat Shakysperian stuff.It could come in handy in our next encounter.Nyuk,nyuk.It appears dis lifeform aint wantin to communicates wid us now.

Spock-That captain,may very well be what you humans sometimes call a blessing.Our last encounter with this being nearly ended in us losing captain Kirk.This lifeform is classified as highly dangerous to human life in the Federation logs sir.

Capt Curly-Tanks Spocky.Take us outta here Mr.Sulu.Warped factors three.Ize had enoughs of dis green chickadee and weze got business to tends to in the gamblin quadrant.Hey Spocky,Hows bout fixin me one of doze Vulcan Mind Melts?Dayz so yummy and delicious.Nyuk.



note-All characters,names,pictures,etc belong to their respective owners:-)
note-I sometimes enjoy writing some creative and crazy off the wall stuff.The further out there it is the better. I have always loved the crazy antics of three stooges Jerome (Curly)Howard.I am also a Star Trek nut.So why not merge the past with the future?

The Beaver finds a ouji board-Leave it to weejer

Leave it to Weejer

Beaver-Hey Wally,whats this thing I found in the attic?

Wally-Gosh Beav, Ill tell ya exactly what that is.Its an old ouji board.Gee,it mustve been left by the guy who used to live here.I tell ya what,Eddie Haskell had one of those once.

Beaver-Whud he do with it Wally?

Wally-Ya may not believe this Beaver,but he says he messed around with it one night and the spirits of famous celebrities started talkin to him and stuff like that.But you know Eddie.Heck,if I was a spirit,I sure wouldnt wanna be talkin with him.

Beaver-Gosh Wally,I bet if I tried it out,the celebrities would talk to me too.

Wally-Beav now why would ya wanna go and do a lamebrained thing like that for?

Beaver-Oh I dont Wally,guessin I just like gettin into the spirit of things.

Wally-Well Ill tell ya what,if dad catches up here conjurin up spirits and junk,man hell wallop ya but good.

Beaver-But Wally,dad wouldnt have to know.
Wally-Crimony Beav,you just dont get it do ya?If a spirit came through,whos to say that it wouldnt start talkin to the rest of us after gettin bored with you?

Beaver-Well I still think itd be real neato.

Wally-Dont do it Beaver.Ya better believe what Im tellin ya.Well I gotta go to ball practise now,but Ill be back later.Remember what I said.No monkey business with the ouji board.

Beaver-Ok Wally.No monkey business.....Good hes finally gone now.Now how do I use this thing?(knock,knock,knock!)Now who could that be?(knock,knock,knock!)Hold on a minute.(knock,knock,knock)Who is it?

Eddie-Its me Eddie.

Beaver-Oh,come on in Eddie.Wallys not here.

Eddie-Well hey Beaver,what cha got there?

Beaver-Oh its just an old ouji board I found in the attic.Wally says I shouldnt mess around with it though cuz it could bring in all kindas bad junk and stuff.Besides,I dont even know how to use it.But you do though dontcha Eddie?

Eddie-Sure do,but why should I share what I know with a runt like you?Alright,alright dont keep lookin at me like that.You better not cry.Sheesh Beav,Im just kiddin ya.

Beaver-Gee thanks Eddie.Lets go upstairs and you can show me how it works.And by the time were done conjurin and stuff,Wally should be home from ball practise..

Eddie-Alright Beaver.I think were just about ready now.Always remember to keep your thoughts pure and clear so you only bring in the good ones.

Beaver-But Eddie,since when has your thoughts been pure and clear?

Eddie-Cute a little twirp,thats real cute.Now this here is called a planchette.We place it on the board and lightly place our fingertips on the top of it.Thats it.Now we gotta focus and relax the mind.Are ya there yet?

Beaver-Yea Eddie,Im at one with the universe now.Ohmm!ohmm!

Eddie-Never mind all that Beaver.Just concentrate on your thoughts and any questions ya might have?

Beaver-Hey Eddie,my inner mind is hearin music.And it sounds like funny music.

Eddie-Can ya make it out Beav?

Beaver-Yea yea I can.Its the song three blind mice.Gosh I hope its a fun spirit that comes through for us.Look Eddie,the planchettes movin.

Eddie-By gosh youre right Beav.Its goin to an N.And now its goin to the Y.And now its goin to U.And now it appears to be goin to the K.

Beaver-So whats that spell Eddie?

Eddie-Its spells..um..looks like it spells nyuk.Nyuk?Now what kinda far out word is that?

Beaver-I know Eddie.I know what it is.Im a bettin its the spirit of nyuk.Watch this Eddie.Oh come forth oh spirit of the nyuk.Show yourself to us.Come forth oh spirit of the nyuk.Show yourself to us.Come forth oh spirit of nyuk,nyuk,nyuk,nyuk,nyuk,nyuk,nyuk,nyuk,nyuk,nyuk,

Eddie-Ok you can cuddit out now Beaver.

Beaver-Nyuk.nyuk,nyuk,nyuk,nyuk,nyuk,nyuk,nyuk.

Eddie-Oh hey Wally,I didnt see ya come in.Whats up?

Wally-Oh hi Eddie.Im just gettin back from ball practise.Hey whats the Beaver doin down there on the floor nyukin about?

Eddie-Oh I dont know Wally.Um,ah I really have to go now.I think um,I think I told my dad Id help him wash the car.Gotta go Wally.

Wally-But Eddie,I just got home.

Eddie-Sorry Wally,I gotta run.

Wally-Well what do ya make of that Beaver?Beav?Hey say something.

Beaver-Nyuk,nyuk,nyuk,nyuk,nyuk,nyuk,nyuk,nyuk,nyuk.

Wally-Hey whats with you?Cmon snap out of it.And what the heck are ya doin with that ouji board out anyways?

Beaver-Ruff,ruff.Nyuk,nyuk,nyuk.

Wally-Whats wrong Beav?Cat got your tongue?

Beaver-Why soytantly not Wallyus.Aint no kitty got my tongues.Nyuk.Gosh Wallyus,dis squeegie board is outts dis world.Rrr!

Wally-Beaver whats happened to you?What did you do?

Beaver-Gosh Wallyus,I was just playins wit dat squeegie board over dare and hearin three blind mices in my noggin.Den I lookins at Eddie and thought of how muchest of a stooge he is.Den you came in and here I am.Nyuk.Yous came in right in da middle of my conjurization processes.Woowoo!


Wally-Oh my gosh Beaver,youre in contact with one of the three stooges.

Beaver-.I resent dat Wallyus and I am not a stooge.Nyuk,and dont tell daddyoh bouts dis,cuz like you says,iffens he finds out Id been conjolicating wit dat squeegie board,hed wallop me upside my nugget,nyuk.

Wally-Be quiet Beaver.Here comes mom.Go in the bathroom.Hurry!

June-Hey Wally,wheres the Beaver?

Wally-Oh hi mom.Um I think hes in the bathroom brushin his teeth or sumthin.

June-Well the Jones are coming over for dinner,so you two be on your best behavior tonight.

Wally-Oh ok mom.Ill tell him when he comes out.

Beaver-Is she gone Wallyus?

Wally-Yea shes gone.You can come out now.Heck Im startin to think that youre both gone.Man oh man Beaver,I dont see how were gonna getcha out of this one this time.

Beaver-Gosh Wallyus.I cant see how dade even know,nyuk.

Wally-Beaver ya knucklehead,how the heck could they not know?And quit callin me Wallyus would ya?

Beaver-Gee Ill try to Wallyus but I cant seem to help myself.

Wally-Fight the urge Beaver.Ya gotta fight the urge.

Beaver-Im tryin Wallyus.Im really tryin.Rrrr!ruff,ruff,ruff,nyuk,nyuk!Hey Wally,I think hes gone now.

Wally-Hey Beaver ya did it.Youre talkin normal again.

Beaver-Hey Wally look over there.

Wally-Oh my gosh Beav is that who I think it is?

Beaver-Yea Wally,its my spirit friend of nyuk.

Wally-No its not ya lamebrain.Its Curly of the three stooges.Now thats one heck of a funny guy.

Curly-Hey you guysez.Youz all pretty funny yourselves,nyuk,nyuk.

Wally-Beav did you hear that?

Beaver-Yea Wally and it came from him.I hope hes not gonna hurt us or anything.

Wally-Hey who are you?Are you really Curly the famous stooge?

Curly-Cmon guys.Donts sweats it.Everythings cool beanies here,nyuk.Rrr!Whats yer names fellas?

Beaver-Oh Im Beaver and this is Wally sir!

Curly-Pleased ta meetchez.

Beaver-Can I ask you a question?

Curly-Sure Beaveez,lays it on me.

Beaver-Are you or are you not Curly?

Curly-Yes Beavey,I most soytantly am.But I still cant remembers how I gots here.Wheres I at now Wallyus?

Wally-Oh youre in our house sir.Beaver was playin with the ouji board hed found in the attic when he shouldnt have.He started wiggin out and junk and then we seen you.Im glad hes back to bein himself though,and just in time for mom and dads dinner party too.

Curly-Dindin partys are always a blast fellas.I dont believes in squeegie boards but I guess I cant deny dat Im heres.

Wally-You can join us for the party if ya wish.

Curly-Are ya sure Wallyus?

Wally-Of course were sure.Youre an American legend Curly.It would be our honor sir.Heck the folks wont even know youre there with us,and youd get to check out the dinner party too.

Curly-Tank you Wallyus.And you too Beavey.I soytantly loves dindin pardys,nyuk.And dont worry guys.Ize gonna mind my mannerisms and not makes a spectacles of myself.

June-Ward would you please get the door?

Ward-Ill get it June.Hello Bob,hi Helen,please,please come in.Hows things been going at the office Bob?And who do we have here?

Bob-So good to see you Ward.This is our daughter Katey.

Ward-Well hello Katey,and welcome.

Katey-Why thank you Mr.Cleaver.Is Wally and the Beaver around?

Ward-Yes,yes they are.Theyll be down in a minute.So you know the boys huh?

Katey-Well I really only know Wally and thats from school.

Ward-Well Katey,Im sure that Wally will be thrilled to see you.Lets all go in here and have a seat.June should be out any minute now and..oh there she is.

June-Hi Bob,hi Helen.

Helen-Hello June and thanks for having us over tonight.Its good to see you again.Katey this is
Mrs.Cleaver.Wallys mom.June this is our daughter Katey.

Katey-Pleased to meet you Mrs.Cleaver.

June-Very nice meeting you Katey.Im sure Wally will be thrilled to see you.Would you all please take a seat and make yourselves comfortable.Now where are those boys?Ward would you call the boys down here?

Ward-Certainly dear.If you will all please excuse me one moment.Boys you can both come on down here now.Our guests are here.Beaver?Wally?

Wally-Be right down dad.Jeepers we better be gettin down there now.Gosh Beav,I hope the Joneses didnt bring that creepy daughter of theirs with them.

Beaver-Hey Wally,what are ya gonna do about Curly?

Wally-Aint nuthin for us to do Beav.They cant see him or hear him.Heck how would they even know hes there?

Beaver-Yea I guess youre right.Are you ready Curly?

Curly-You bets Im ready.Dindin pardys is so fun and delicious,nyuk.

Wally-Well I hate to bust your bubble Curly,but our folks dinner parties are anything but fun.Well cmon Beaver.We better get down there.

Ward-Oh there they are.Come on over here boys.Boys,these are the Joneses,and this is their daughter Katey,whom I guess you already know Wally.

Wally/Beaver-Pleased to meet you Mr.and Mrs.Jones.

Helen-And I am pleased to meet you too boys.And let me guess.You must be Theodore?

Beaver-Yessum maam,but you can call me Beaver.

Katey-Hello there Wally.

Wally-Oh um ah,hi there Katey.

Katey-Hey Wally,is it alright if I sit beside you?

Wally-Yea I reckon its alright,as long as you dont get too close to me and junk.

June-Ward why dont you get our guests seated in the dining room hon.Suppers just about ready and Ive cooked us all something very special.

Ward-Oh yes June,yes of course.Would you all please have a seat.June has made a wonderful dinner for all of us tonight.

Beaver-Psst!psst!Hey Wally?

Wally-Yea what is it Beaver?

Beaver-Curlys down here with us.You dont suppose anybodys gonna notice him do ya?

Wally-No Beav,of course not.And stop whispering to me like a dope.

Ward-So Bob,is there any exciting news goin around lately?

Bob-No not really Ward.Helens gotten into the horrible habit of watching these ridiculous old television shows almost every night this past week.Isnt that right dear?

Helen-Yes hon,but they are not ridiculous.In fact,they are hilariously funny.I tell you Ward,you and June should watch these shows yourselves sometime and youd see what I mean.

Ward-Oh and what shows are they Helen?

Helen-I am referring to the sitcoms of the three stooges.They are so funny Ward.Pure absolute humor.That Curly though, really cracks me up,Bob doesnt like them.Do you dear?

Bob-No Helen I dont like them.And that Curly character is nothing more than a simpleton and a disgrace to the english language in my book.You boys dont watch such idiotic nonsense on television do you Wally?

Wally-Well..um..yea Mr.Jones I reckon that we sometimes do sir.

Helen-Its too funny isnt it Theodore?Theodore?

Ward-Hey Beaver,Helens asking you a question and its not polite to be spacin out on her.

Beaver-Oh Im sorry dad.Im sorry Mrs.Jones.Now what were you askin?

Helen-What I was asking you Theodore was if you think Curly and the three stooges are funny?

Beaver-Yea I think Curly and the three stooges are funny.And Curlys like super funny.You think Curlys really funny too dontcha Wally?

Wally-Oh yea,yea I do Beav.I think hes a real gas.

Helen-Well Bob what do you think of that?

Bob-Helen I could care less if everyone likes those silly shows.But I personally feel that its nothing more than a means of corrupting our youth today with the idea that being stupid and ignorant is alright,and indeed it is not alright.And if they were here today Id tell them and especially that Curly character.Id tell them to take all their mindless antics and hit the road.

Beaver-Would ya really do that Mr.Jones?

Bob-I most certainly would Theodore.

Ward-Oh here comes June.Its dinner time everybody.

June-Here it is everyone.Dinner is served.Now who wants a drumstick?

Beaver-Jeepeez mommyoh,dat sure smells like one yummy boyd.

June-Why thank you Beaver.But you can cut it out now with the silly impressions and just talk like normal people do.Now apologize to our guests.

Beaver-Alright mom.Ize sorrys for not speakins correctly to youz Mrs.Jones.And Ize sorrys to Kateydids over dare too.I hope youz can forgive me cupcake.Nyuk,nyuk.But I aints apologizin to mister fuddy duddy over dare.

Ward-Beaver what on earth has gotten into you young man?

Beaver-Nuttins daddyoh.Ize just makin cordial socializations wit our guests.

Bob-Theodore listen to me.

Beaver-Yessum Mr.Jones.

Bob-Theodore,frankly I am appalled at you.A fine young man like yourself,mimicking a numbskull like that dreaded stooge.

Helen-Now Bob why dont you just leave Theodore alone!

Bob-But Helen look at how hes talking.

Helen-Oh Bob,quit being such a fuddy duddy.I think its really cute of him to pretend that hes Curly.Talk to us some more Theodore.

Beaver-Why tank you maam.Tank youz very muchest.You and shortcake over dare are some pretty cool dames.Ize just loves gettin togedder for deze yummy dindin parties,nyuk,nyuk.Wouldja please pass da greeney beanies over here?Tank yous.See Wallyus?I tolds ya Id mind my mannerisms.Mommyoh deze biscuits and jameez are da best and dis toykey is da juiciest.Woowoo.Hey Wallyus,you oughts to be more cordial wit Kateydidus over dare.Aint dat right dreamboat.Nyuk,nyuk.

Helen-Theodore listen to me.

Beaver-Yessums Mrs.Jones.

Helen-Theodore I think you do a splendid rendition of Curly,and I think its just the cutest thing I have ever seen.Dont you think so Ward?

Ward-Um..ah..why yes,yes indeed Helen,hes as cute as can be alright.Psst!June lets go in the kitchen.Please excuse us..um..June needs my help with the dessert.Well be right back.

Helen-Oh take your time Ward,Im sure Theodore will keep us entertained.

Ward-Oh Im sure he will Helen,Im sure he will.

June-Ward I know what youre about to say about the Beaver.

Ward-June our son is in there pretending to be one of the three stooges in front of our guests.

June-Oh Ward I know he is,but they do seem to be enjoying it and afterall,we do want them to enjoy themselves dont we?And besides,Helen wants him to talk like that,so lets humor them dear and just go along with it.It cant hurt anything can it?

Ward-No I suppose it cant.And you know June,I have to admit that I used to love watching the three stooges myself,and especially that Curly.He was quite some character.But I dont know how well Bobs gonna hold up through all of this dear.

June-Well Ward you never know.The Beaver may end up convincing Bob into liking Curly and those television shows.

Ward-Yes I suppose your right hon.We better get back in there.

June-Were back everybody.Are you enjoying your supper?

Helen-Yes June and Theodore has been so entertaining.

Beaver-Tank you so muchez Helen.Youz a livin doll.Aint mommyohs cookin so yummy?Its not only yummy,its pure delectibilitis.

June-Why thank you Beaver.That was so sweet of you.For that Im giving you an extra scoop of ice cream for dessert.

Beaver-Tanks mommyoh.You knows how muches I lovey ice cream nyuk

June-Heres dessert everybody.I hope everyone likes german chocolate cake.Beaver get your fingers out of that cake.

Beaver-But golly gee wizzers mommyoh,its germy chocolate cake.My favorites.Rrr!Ruff,ruff,ruff.Whats wrong mummsy?Whys you lookin at me weirds?Nyuk.

June-Beaver you have talked that way long enough.I want you to start talking normal again this instant.

Beaver-But I hasnt had my cakey yet.And whats you lookin at Mr.Jonesey?

Bob-Theodore I will be more than happy to tell you what I am looking at young man.I am looking at the youth in our country becoming more and more enthralled with the stupidities of people,such as these stooges and this Curly fellow.Of all the people to emulate,I wouldve thought that a fine young man like you would be much smarter than this.

Beaver-Oh is dat so Bobby?Well Ill tells ya what,Ize got sumthin for ya.

Wally-Beaver put that cake back down or Ill go tell dad about the you know what.

Beaver-But Wallyus,dis guy is a wise guy.Hes given me da heebyjeebys.Hey watch dis Wallyus.How bout dat Bobby?Hows dat fit on yaz?Here,dis will look good on ya too,nyuk.Hey Bobby I luvs dat new cakey hairdo ya gots.Nyuk,nyuk,nyuk.It looks like yaz rollin in da dough and junk like dat.Nyuk,nyuk,nyuk.Hows bout dat Bobby.Youz sweet talker Betty crocker.Ruff,ruff.woowooowoo!Dats da icing on da cakes see.Nyuk.

Wally-Dad,dad you better get back in there.The Beavers flipped.

Ward-Beaver as your father I demand that you stop it this instant.Oh my goodness we are so sorry about this Bob.And I can assure you that the Beaver will pay dearly for what he has done to you tonight.June bring me some towels.Helen we are so sorry.

Helen-Oh Ward dont worry about it.Theodore put him in his place and Bob gets a cake in his face.I personally enjoyed it.It was just like Curly would do.In fact,Theodore was so convincing,for a moment there I really felt it was Curly.

Ward-Well thank you Helen.We appreciate that but nonetheless,I assure you that the Beaver will be properly punished.Now Beaver I want you to cut it out now.Just be yourself son.

Beaver-But I am beins myself daddyoh.We had a great big dindin.Maybe you just needs some metamucil.Nyuk,nyuk,nyuk.

Ward-Alright Beaver,I hate to have to do this in front of our guests but youve given me no other choice.

Wally-No dad its not the Beavers fault.Come over here.

Ward-Wally what are you saying son?Hows it not the Beavers fault?

Wally-Well dad its like this.But first of all,youre not gonna wallop on him too much are ya?

Ward-Wally I can assure you that I am not going to wallop him.Now what is it youre telling me?

Wally-Well dad Beaver had found a ouji board and started using it and then...

Ward-Stop right there Wally.Now let me guess.The Beaver made contact with Curly of the three stooges on the other side.So that wasnt really the Beaver in there smashing the cake into our guests face.It was really Curly doing it.That sound like a good analogy to you Wally?

Wally-Yea dad I reckon so.I mean he kept his manners all evening and junk like that.

Ward-Yea Wally,I suppose Bob did kinda egg Curly on didnt he?

Wally-Jeepers dad you sure aint kiddin there.Heres the ouji board Beaver found.

Ward-Well Wally,do you have any suggestions as to how we should deal with this?

Wally-Yea I do dad.Eddie Haskell once told me that all you had to do was read these words and do a series of incantations and junk like that to send them back home.

Ward-Well cmon Wally.Lets get back in there and deal with this.Your mother is probably flipping out about now.

Wally-Golly dad would cha look at that.

Ward-Wally I see it but I dont believe it.Hey whats going on in here anyways?

June-Sshhh!Be quiet Ward.Ive got an idea everybody.Im going to get the Beaver to let go of Curly.This is what we are going to do Ward.Im going to give some of this castor oil to Beaver and well see just how much Curly likes it.Wish me luck.Im going to try it now.Hey Beaver?

Beaver-Yea mommyohs.Hey dat aint a bottle of sodey pop is it?

June-Well..um..why yes,yes it is.Would you like some?Here Beaver,its yours.

Beaver-Tanks mommyoh.Ill drinks dis down in nuttin flat.Gulp,gulp,gulp,gulp,gulp,gulp...

Wally-Hey hows it taste Beav?

Beaver-It tastes awful Wallyus.It tastes like crapola..nyuk,nyuk,nyuk,ruff,ruff,nyuk,nyuk,nyuk,nyuk.Dats not sodey pop,dats castrol oil.Nyuk,nyuk..Im so sorry folks but Ize leavin dis dindin party now..Rrr!Nyuk.

June-Hey Beaver can you hear me?

Beaver-Yea mom I hear ya.Hey whats everyone doin staring at me?You all act like youve seen a ghost or something.And whys Mr.Jones wearing moms cake?Oh now I remember.Curly wanted me to tell all of you that he had to go back to his heavenly home and to thank mom for the fine dinner and hospitality.

Wally-How ya feelin Beaver?

Beaver-Oh Im feelin just fine Wally.

Wally-I hate to tell ya this Beav but cha wont be for long.

Beaver-And whys that Wally?

Wally-Because you just drank a half a bottle of castor oil Beaver.

June-Well everybody,the main thing is that the Beaver is back and has made himself a new spirit friend as well.Isnt that right Beaver?

Beaver-Yea mom I reckon I have.

Bob-Well Ward its been a very entertaining evening but we really should be going now.Thank you all and thank you June for a most delicious dinner.And like Curly said,I do wear the cake well.

Ward-Again were so sorry about that Bob.

Bob-Dont worry about it Ward.With the way I was acting?I had it coming to me.I suppose I should feel honored.

Ward-Well,let us us see you to the door.Thanks for coming and drive safely.Bye!Wheres the Beaver Wally?

Wally-Oh I think he ran to the bathroom dad.Hes probably gonna be in there for a long long time.Ill go check to see to be sure.(knock,knock,knock)Beaver are you in there?

Beaver-Yea Wally Im in here.

Wally-Do ya need a comic book or something to pass the time away?

Beaver-No thanks Wally.I found this book of magical incantations.Im readin it to pass the time away in here.

Wally-Thats alright Beav.As long as ya dont do anything knuckle headed with it.

June-Wally is the Beaver still in the bathroom?

Wally-Yea mom but he says hell be in there awhile.

June-(knock,knock,knock)Beaver are ya feelin any better?

Beaver-Sure Im feelin better now little missy.Ill be a moseyin outta here soon pardner so ya best grab yourself that crayon on the table if ya know whats good for ya.

Wally-Look mom hes comin out already.How ya doin Beaver?

Beaver-Now take this crayon pardner...now draw.

Wally-Oh heck no Beaver,not again.

The End

Star Trek-Captain Kirk and crew visit the infomercial region of the galaxy

The Clappers of Roncoze


Uhura-Captain we have an alien transmission that appears to be seeking contact.

Captain Kirk-Put it on the intercom Uhura.

Alien-Enterprise are you there?Are you there enterprise?Help us.Enterprise.

Kirk-Yes,yes we are here.This is captain Kirk.What is your status?

Alien-Ive fallen and I cant get up.

Kirk-We hear you loud and clear.What have you fallen from?

Alien-I I dont know.We were on a trip and now here we are.

Kirk-Spock? What is a trip?And who is this Orion woman?

Spock-One moment captain while I check the linguistic banks.Captain I have surmized that this is not an orion woman.As for a trip as you humans call it,a place to visit in order to feel the mental euphoria you humans tend to refer to as in elation or glee.Its all quite illogical.

Kirk-But if shes not orion Spock then what is she?

Spock-Captain our scanners have confirmed that this female lifeform is originally from what is today known as the infomercial region of the galaxy.However,computer analysis has confirmed that she and her crew once travelled a vast distance well past the ronconian region of the galaxy and met up with an alien race whom called themselves the clappers of the light.

Kirk-Really?But why would she do this Spock?

Spock-Now scanning region Captain.Analysis has derived that these light clappers tend to enjoy using their hands to direct their technological energies.Unfortunately they grew into two seperate and different factions.The two factions are claponners and the clapoffers.The claponners were referred to as the clappers of the light.The clapoffers were referred to as the clappers of the dark.For years these two factions have been at war over whether the light of their world remains on or remains off.

Sulu-Captain?

Kirk-Yes Mr.Sulu.

Sulu-Captain,my censors are showing other lifeforms from this region.Captain they theyre also clapping their hands.I..I dont understand it captain.

Kirk-Alright Mr. Sulu.maintain warp factor one.Spock,what else do you have?

Spock-Captain I have logically formulated that this particular form could be the ancesters of your own planet sir.Way back in your earth history there are records of what were once termed yankee clappers.These yankee clappers if you will,found the northern regions too barren and cold to live,thus many went mauradering across space to reach those warm southern regions today known as the tropics.Tradition has it that whenever they would clap their hands the light would appear.The lifeforms Mr.Sulu has spotted are similar to such clappers.A quite logical lifeform captain in that they use their devices to both clap on and clap off.

Kirk-Thank you Spock.Thats quite helpful.

Mr.Scott-Captain may I ask you a question sir?

Kirk-Yes certainly Mr.Scott.

Mr.Scott-Captain tis all makes perfect sense to me sir but would Mr.Spock please elaborate as to the lasses recent communication?Would she like to share some scotch with me sir?

Kirk-Yes Mr.Scott that is a very good question.Spock,do you care to elaborate? Certainly captain.If Mr.Scott will please refrain from his flagrant emotionalism,I will state that we are dealing with a being who has obviously fallen and cannot get back up.It would not be logical for
Mr.Scott to intoxicate this lifeform with scotch captain.

Kirk-I agree Mr.Spock.As always your logic seems to win out.Sorry Scotty but I cannot grant your request.

Mr.Scott-Aye aye captain,dratsya bogusfrats.

Kirk-Mr.Spock?

Spock-Yes captain.

Kirk-Spock and Dr.McCoy,youll both come with me to transporter room five.I hope we wont need your services Bones.

Dr.McCoy-Amen to that Jim.

Kirk-Feed in these coordinances Mr.Spock and beam the lightclapper aboard on my command.Energize!

Spock-Captain we got a fix,however there appears to be another lifeform in the vicinity.Captain I do believe this other lifeform is beaming up as well.

Kirk-Spock what is it?

Spock-I dont know captain but it appears that we are soon going to find out.

Kirk-Greetings my name is Captain Kirk and youre aboard the enterprise.This is first commander
Mr.Spock and our cheif medical physician Dr.McCoy.Check the fallen one over Bones.And as for you,Im sorry that you got caught up in our transporters but it couldnt be helped.I see youre another lightclapper.

Alien-No Captain Kirk you are in error.For many years the creature here who has fallen but cant get up has been our nemesis and must remain in darkness just as we are.Do you understand captain?

Kirk-No and please forgive me but no I dont understand.Youre both quite obviously clappers of the light madam.

Alien-No captain we are not alike.I am a clapoffer and she is a claponner.Any other questions captain?

Kirk-No I havent any but I will say that as captain of this vessel I will not have any disruptions with the functions of this ship due to any of your clapping technologies.Please enjoy your quarters.You are our guests here.If you happen to fall and cant get up,these com panels here
will alert the crew to your travesty.This enson will escort you to your quarters now.Do you have any questions?

Alien-No I dont and thank you captain,you are too kind.

Kirk-Bones whats the status on the other one?

Dr.McCoy-Well captain,the lightclappers back on her feet but I just dont know what wouldve caused her to fall like that in the first place.

Kirk-Bones you..must..find..out..what..went wrong!

Dr.McCoy-Blast it captain,Im just a doctor,Im not an infomercial enthusiast.Theyre both now sleeping in their quarters captain.

Kirk-Alright doctor,alert me when they have awakened.Bridge to Scotty?

Mr.Scott-Yes captain Scott here.

Kirk-Scotty why have all the lights started flashing?Theyre flashing on and off faster and faster.

Mr.Scott-Captain there is no telling and there seems to be no stopping it.But I do know one thing for certain sir.If we cant stop it,you nor I will be able to stand here and talk about it because soon we will all fall and wont be able to get up sir.If,if ya know what I mean sir?

Kirk-Yes Scotty indeed I do.Hold a minute Scotty Im being hailed.Bones what is it?

Dr.Mccoy-Captain both the lightclappers have left their quarters and are headed for the bridge.Ones clapping and yelling clap on and the the other is yelling clapoff.Captain,these aliens strobe effects have got everyone down here falling and not being able to get up.

Kirk-Thank you Bones.Noted and Kirk out.Spock can you get a fix on this phenomena?

Spock-Captain I believe that both have taken control of various electrical light components throughout the ship.The alien is now behind you captain.

Kirk-I am the captain of this vessel.What are you doing on my bridge?What are you doing to my crew and our lights?I want some answers and I want them now.

Alien-Of course captain.We are the clappers of the light from the planet Roncoze.Both our factions have been at war for many years.We wish for the light to remain on and they wish for it to remain off.It was necessary to for us to install our roncoze technology into your ships systems.We have control of your ship now..clap
on..and your crew captain,and will maintain this control until we reach our late night infomercialled homeland once again.Once there I will turn in this clapoff renegade to the authorities.Its useless to fight us.Will you cooperate captain?

Kirk-No I will not cooperate.We and the federation most certainly will not cooperate.You may be able to clap the lights on and the other clap the lights off.You may even be able to strobe light my crew to the point of falling down and being unable to get up but I am the captain.And I have the final word.Computer analyze my voice and carry out general order 19.95.And on my responsibility as captain of the enterprize you will begin countdown.Do you clappers have any questions?

Aliens-Captain,captain we meant you no harm.What is this general order 19.95?What are you doing captain?

Kirk-Ill tell you what I am doing.General order 19.95 is where our computers will automatically unplug your clapping device from our systems.Then there will be no clapping on or off or otherwise.The unit will then be sent to your home planet where we will receive a refund of 19.95 minus shipping.But there is another answer.There is another way.But you have to trust us.Will you trust us?

Alien-Yes captain we will trust you on this one occassion.Just please dont carry out general order 19.95.Now what do you have in mind captain?

Kirk- Well first of all..computer abort general order 19.95.On my order,abort order 19.95.Now I could take away your clapping device and then youd have to get up and turn the light on at the switch.But Im not going to do that.If you look over here to the right of me you will see that Spock is holding what is called a replication device.It replicates a duplicate of whatever we program it with.Scotty hand me that clapping unit.Now when we place this unit in front of our replicator we now have two clapping units.It replicates a duplicate of the original.Heres one for you and heres one for you too.This way when you get back home both your people can have their choice whether as to have the light on or to have it off.And plus since there will be no strobe light effects,you wont have to be falling down again.Or being unable to get back up.Does this sound agreeable to you?

Alien-Yes captain this is very much agreeable with us.

Kirk-Do you have anything to add to this Spock?

Spock-Yes captain I do.If you both will from now on focus your clapping properly,you will be able to turn your television sets on and off as well.Its all quite logical.And I see we are now in orbit around the planet Roncoze captain.Any orders?

Kirk-Yes Mr.Spock.Join me in the transporter room to escort our guests back to their planet.You have the helm Sulu.
Were ready to beam you back to your planet now.Do you have your clappers?

Aliens-Yes captain we have them.And thank you for showing us a new way to use them.Our people will be eternally indebted to you all.And thank you Mr.Spock for showing us our own illogics in the face of reason.

Spock-Youre quite welcome.With the new units Im sure you will all do quite well.Clap long and prosper.Coordinances are set captain.

Kirk-Very good Mr.Spock.Energize!Now that thats done,our next heading is 1574.329.Thats the orion belt isnt it Spock?

Spock-Affirmative captain.

kirk-Sulu,take us out of orbit,warp factor three.Aye aye captain warp factor three.